Idealistically Practical

I finally got my own place at work. But I still do not have my computer with me. Hopefully by Monday, things are settled already at the office, including me. I was informed awhile ago that I wouldn't replace Jo anymore, which means I would not handle the furniture, fabrics, and all the interior stuff as intially planned. I would instead handle all the office furniture, planter/jars, plants and stuff. My first reaction was disappointment. I would be a hypocrite if I said it was just fine with me. Of course I felt disappointed because the initial job that I was going to have seemed to be an interesting one. It suited my personality well. But after giving it much thought, I decided that this new task that was given to me was a better outcome...me handling the office furniture stuff. It is definitely easier, lenient and less mabusisi when it comes to details. There's lesser pressure as well. I also think that Jo is already doing a good job as it is. So now, I don't feel as bad anymore because I know that I wouldn't be swamped with work or worry about the things I have to do.

Having heard Krizia and Jane stressing about their respective jobs, I took it as a consolation to myself that I wouldn't be as harrassed like them. Well this is how I see it...the idealistic me would have wanted the initial job that I was given with. But then the practical side of me would have gone for the less stressful job. In this case, I decided to compromise my being idealistic. But it's as if I have a choice to make in the first place. I don't anyway. Even if I wanted to be all idealistic, I cannot make it happen. I just follow what my immediate supervisor has to say. So technically the only choice I had to make was either to be happy or be glum with the situation.

Although I have decided to be happy with the situation (yes, being happy is in fact, a decision that one has to make.), I don't know why I feel a bit sad. I'm not sure if it's sadness that I feel. I can't seem to quite put the feeling yet..It's not really about work per se that's keeping me down. I guess it's the directionless (if there is such a word...). The thought of not knowing where to go--which direction to take bothers me a lot. Not knowing what the future is going to be like frustrates me. And even if I do know what I want, I don't have it my way all the time. There are a lot of factors I have to consider.

I wish I know the answer. But that's life. Sometimes there aren't any sure immediate answers. Life is not a guessing game. You can't rush and figure everything out in just one day. There are absolutely no shortcuts to the answers. Sometimes you just have to sit and wait it all out... think hard and wait. And this is precisely what I'm going to do. Wait and be patient. I will try not to anticipate the events of my life anymore. I learned that trying to ride ahead of the waves will just keep me off the board. I have to ride with the wave and go along with it. Go with the flow as the saying goes. Just as it is with life. I try not to expect too much from it anymore. I just live by the day and see what happens next. Things are much simpler this way...with lesser disappointments as well.